somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
