U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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