foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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