My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
