Sry I called you an 8
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
