I'm so fucking centered right now
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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