He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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