I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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