In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
