There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
