I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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