please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
