i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
