It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
