I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
