i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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