dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
