All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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