discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
