she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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