Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
