Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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