we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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