im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
