dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
