you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
