I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
