From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
