Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
