How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I didn't notice because vodka
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
