Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages