Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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