party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
