who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
