dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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