i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
