I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
