New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
