At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
