I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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