Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
