i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
