I cannot find my penis.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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