Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
