the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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