woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
