So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
