He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
