is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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