After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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