the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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