I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You took a bar mat shot.
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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