Someone shit on the floor
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
