I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
