Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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