also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i love accidental penises.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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