He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
