His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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