It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
