Your face is a jimmy john
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
