i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
