I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
