Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
