NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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