then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
