miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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