hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize