I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
