you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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