I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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